15 July 2012

A New Day, A Fresh Start

I had allotted myself a week: to grieve, to question. It was time for a decision. Little man was depending on me and I had already wasted too much time. I wished I could stay in bed with the covers over my head but that was not an option. I wish a lot of things lately.

I packed up my car for the second time in two weeks. The road was my shoulder to cry on, the wind was a listening ear.

Mile after mile was clocked, Jackson's snores kept my thoughts company from the back seat.

The Chicago skyline glistened in the sunrise, my fears knotted in my gut.

A new day.

A fresh start.

Hopefully, the right one.

--
Jackson and I have arrived safely to the Chicago area to stay with my dad. You all have no idea how much your supportive words and messages have meant to me. I have no way to know when I will be able to post but I hope to use this space for healing (and soon!)

07 July 2012

The End of A Chapter

The day was full of boxes and masking tape but for the first time packing was separate, each of us sorting what was ours.

Neither of us are people that give up but we knew a chapter had closed; we both wanted to be able to remember our story fondly so "the end" seemed appropriate. Anger, hurt, resentment. It's all there but unimportant for the time being.

I used to think we were living on love but love is not always enough. I would give anything if it was.

"I love you guys," he said one last time before he turned to leave. My tears blurred his red face from my vision.

The door shut and I whispered, "I wish it was enough."

Just like that - it was over.

--
This will be my last post for a while. I need to figure out how to balance providing for my son with picking up the pieces of my heart. Please check in - I'll be poking in around Twitter and Facebook when I can.

Thank you for your support and friendship.

06 July 2012

God's Water

Sometimes you just have to find a shaded tree to plant your blanket,
let the toddler drink a sugary juice box,
and swim in God's water.

--